letter to my unborn child. A poem.

I'm not ok (letter to my unborn child).

I still think about you every day, I imagine your tiny self inside me, another tiny self.

I picture the days I would have to go for a check-up, and see if you’re okay.

I still think about you... I wonder if you were going to be a girl or a boy, I would have loved you either way.

You were mine and I let go of you, I broke that trust before I even got to know you, before you could even do back flips inside me.

I'm not ok...

I told your dad the other day, I'm hated for it but it's ok because I know you’re in a better place.

At times I sit and wonder what I was going to call you, I sit and wonder if you were going to have his eyes or mine.

I still think about you and now more than ever. I feel incomplete but I know that you're okay.

I'm not ok, but one day I will be... I'll tell your brother and sisters about you one day, but I don't think they'll even ease the pain.

I still think about you, how your first day of school would be, or going shopping with mommy... I imagine the fights we'd have over boys, clothes, parties and hair.

I didn't mean to let you go... I didn't mean for you to go... I blame myself every day and I know daddy does too... But it'll all be okay. One day.

I'm not ok, if only I had known, I would have been meeting you soon. I don't have the tears to cry anymore but I have the broken heart to show it, I left you all alone when I should be there with you.

I'll miss all the memories we were going to be making together. Baking, sleeping late watching chick flicks, going out to do our nails... I'll miss the little things, like how I would have to tell you I love you and tuck you in bed at night. I'll call you Blessing, cause that's what you would have been in my life.

I'm sorry💔.

-Mpho dhaPoetess.